Making Up Monsters #656
Jun. 13th, 2025 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amiserablepileofwords posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
eggbug_writesamiserablepileofwords posting in eggbug_writes
dream journal ~ fun hangout
Jun. 12th, 2025 08:01 amkossaihave dream in which specifically present mien - funny , usually either present seeming or individual envisages . this dream was about some kind of hangout for physical nonhumans , really pretty place , dark shiny wood . can not remember interactions , but that sure feel good .
except that also wake with massive drool puddle on pillow . >_>
except that also wake with massive drool puddle on pillow . >_>
more crisis plan thoughts
Jun. 11th, 2025 09:48 pmkossaithis one get to be public - lack of detail , and maybe help others in similar boat .
kossai find that numbers do not really work well in brain to express distress and crisis , for various reasons . still , interest in this topic revive as some folks who follow talk about this , and ... well , can be useful for anyone .
so rather than numbers , what have in mind so far is to break down each potential area of distress - say for example , age regression , psychosis , etc - and come up with lists of questions to identify state of mind , things that usually help , things that usually do not help , signs that might need external support , and other things to be aware of .
to be honest , kossai do not really have memory barriers or loss . however , want to write these things as if kossai do . that means explain what these things feel like , why these things happen , and why given solutions might work or not work . would like to hope nothing will ever screw up brain that badly , but life can happen anyway - better to have something in advance and never need than to flounder during fallout .
like many other things , this is obsidian vault on computer . would be good idea to have smaller printout version at some point , but need to actually get basic version done first before worry about simplify . :P
kossai find that numbers do not really work well in brain to express distress and crisis , for various reasons . still , interest in this topic revive as some folks who follow talk about this , and ... well , can be useful for anyone .
so rather than numbers , what have in mind so far is to break down each potential area of distress - say for example , age regression , psychosis , etc - and come up with lists of questions to identify state of mind , things that usually help , things that usually do not help , signs that might need external support , and other things to be aware of .
to be honest , kossai do not really have memory barriers or loss . however , want to write these things as if kossai do . that means explain what these things feel like , why these things happen , and why given solutions might work or not work . would like to hope nothing will ever screw up brain that badly , but life can happen anyway - better to have something in advance and never need than to flounder during fallout .
like many other things , this is obsidian vault on computer . would be good idea to have smaller printout version at some point , but need to actually get basic version done first before worry about simplify . :P
faerie joke ~ do not interact list
Jun. 11th, 2025 05:53 pmkossaicrosspost from tumblr .
do not interact !
( joke breakdown )
do not interact !
- liars
- snobs who can not appreciate good wordplay
- jerks who turn down gifts
- unstylish weirdos who hang iron horseshoes as decor
and do not even think about boil eggshells around children , that is just gross behaviour :/
( joke breakdown )
yay !
Jun. 10th, 2025 05:41 pmkossailittle craft supply bundle arrive today , specially curate and package as slow stitch supply kit . to be honest , actually kind of get happy tears ! just feel very sweet and special , seller tie up and position things so delicately . wish think to take picture before unwrap everything , oops . will feel kind of hard to use some of these things , as is crafter eternal struggle , but also can not wait to make pretty stuff .
feel like special princess ~
feel like special princess ~
Making Up Monsters #653
Jun. 10th, 2025 08:43 pmamiserablepileofwords posting in eggbug_writesMonster who met Odysseus that one time, and doesn't want to talk about it
nimona
Jun. 10th, 2025 02:09 amkossaikossai struggle with movies and TV , and not always sure why . but tonight mood strike , and finally sit down to watch ... nimona .
remember when people would talk about how celeste destroy emotions and leave in teary wreck , but kossai did not get that . wonderful game , but in some ways just did not click with madeline's problems like others did .
nimona though ... do kossai recognise that in stories like rusted moss and nimona , nonhumanity intend as allegory ? yes . but just by nature of kossai as physical nonhuman , those aspects feel very literal , and speak to core on that level .
absolute wreck now . need crossover hangout sesh with nimona and fern , stat .
remember when people would talk about how celeste destroy emotions and leave in teary wreck , but kossai did not get that . wonderful game , but in some ways just did not click with madeline's problems like others did .
nimona though ... do kossai recognise that in stories like rusted moss and nimona , nonhumanity intend as allegory ? yes . but just by nature of kossai as physical nonhuman , those aspects feel very literal , and speak to core on that level .
absolute wreck now . need crossover hangout sesh with nimona and fern , stat .
struggle thoughts
Jun. 8th, 2025 11:41 pmkossaiin think about real time social groups , and why kossai struggle ...
things can move fast . really fast . already take kossai longer than anyone else to think of and write messages , even simple ones . this leave kossai with 2 choices .
first choice is to not push speed , to take as much time as necessary to formulate and word thoughts .
end result of this : everyone move on in conversation by time kossai can contribute , and have nothing more to say to contributions . in both real life scenarios and in games like vrchat , people can forget kossai was even there , and move on without even realise kossai get split off . so just feel like might as well not even be there , and ruin fun if stay .
second choice is to push speed , to say as much as possible , as quickly as possible - even if botch words , not explain well , or if answers very short .
end result of this : people punish kossai for social blunders , miscommunications , and lack of clarity that did not have time to think through - and also tend to assume short answers means not really care about conversations . but rarely do people even explain this much , just chalk this up to bad vibes or say idk just uncomfy without any explanation of why , or any grace and compassion for how these things only happen because literally force to rush , and remove from group .
in both cases also come across situations where kossai struggle more than usual - say for example , recent seizure , lack of sleep , etc - but still try really hard to participate , even if not fully coherent , and people laugh at kossai outright .
so , there is no win , and kossai give up on try those things . even struggle with non-group , non-real time things , but this is definitely where weakest , and where people give least kindness .
things can move fast . really fast . already take kossai longer than anyone else to think of and write messages , even simple ones . this leave kossai with 2 choices .
first choice is to not push speed , to take as much time as necessary to formulate and word thoughts .
end result of this : everyone move on in conversation by time kossai can contribute , and have nothing more to say to contributions . in both real life scenarios and in games like vrchat , people can forget kossai was even there , and move on without even realise kossai get split off . so just feel like might as well not even be there , and ruin fun if stay .
second choice is to push speed , to say as much as possible , as quickly as possible - even if botch words , not explain well , or if answers very short .
end result of this : people punish kossai for social blunders , miscommunications , and lack of clarity that did not have time to think through - and also tend to assume short answers means not really care about conversations . but rarely do people even explain this much , just chalk this up to bad vibes or say idk just uncomfy without any explanation of why , or any grace and compassion for how these things only happen because literally force to rush , and remove from group .
in both cases also come across situations where kossai struggle more than usual - say for example , recent seizure , lack of sleep , etc - but still try really hard to participate , even if not fully coherent , and people laugh at kossai outright .
so , there is no win , and kossai give up on try those things . even struggle with non-group , non-real time things , but this is definitely where weakest , and where people give least kindness .
my little pony ~ changelings
Jun. 8th, 2025 02:21 pmkossaiin think about my little pony connections , would probably suspect changelings ! um ... sort of ... and sort of not .
love general concepts , right up until thorax happen . like thorax is this special visionary , where changelings can just share love and be fine - no , better than fine ! just kind of hate that . like yes tyrannical queen and hivemind , whatever , but even show characterise during this episode that changelings all born inherently mean and spitty , and thorax was just super special exception . this kind of make weird later that not only do other changelings immediately cave when thorax demonstrate new form , but why no one before thorax seem to have this capability and yet now suddenly everyone do .
there is definitely stuff to criticise about concepts of hivemind vs individuality , and how lines can be blurry and weird and maybe not always useful to pit against one another , but others probably say that better .
so will instead turn attention to this idea that no one will love changelings unless look and behave just like ponies , which is problem when biologically need to feed off of love . have ability to shapeshift , but this is seen as cheat , thievery , and deception , which means methods to get there must be underhand - first characterise as evil just for biological needs , then force changelings to prove this perception right out of starvation and desperation . therefore , " reward " for selfless changelings who share love freely ... is to look and behave just like ponies . not for ponies to look at these weird buggy guys and extend hoof first , no ! changelings must change for ponies , in every scenario here - difference is just whether or not ponies consider to be evil .
also , visually think some of these guys suck . like understand in cartoon for kids will need named characters to be recognisable and merchandisable , but like , kind of ick ? especially colour palettes . absolutely can still make designs more in line with originals that look fun and unique , but guess not cute enough for toys or whatever , even if let changelings be different colours than just black . would much prefer if these new designs would be intentional disguises - something that changelings feel still need to take on in order to gain pony acceptance , but ultimately take toll on feelings because acceptance is conditional . ponies would come to realise how much this actually hurt and make efforts to get over discomfort .
that is version of changelings which kossai connect with . do like that thorax is able to form bonds and feed in moderation because of bonds , but think weird to be some first of kind visionary - changeling inability to form bonds should not be because of biology and apparent hivemind structure , but because ponies make assumptions because of these things . would also much prefer if metamorphosis was not this innate biological reward - changelings should get to look like changelings , and act like changelings , without ponies determine which is good and which is evil , which is ugly and which is pretty .
gee , wonder why faeries would think that . :P
love general concepts , right up until thorax happen . like thorax is this special visionary , where changelings can just share love and be fine - no , better than fine ! just kind of hate that . like yes tyrannical queen and hivemind , whatever , but even show characterise during this episode that changelings all born inherently mean and spitty , and thorax was just super special exception . this kind of make weird later that not only do other changelings immediately cave when thorax demonstrate new form , but why no one before thorax seem to have this capability and yet now suddenly everyone do .
there is definitely stuff to criticise about concepts of hivemind vs individuality , and how lines can be blurry and weird and maybe not always useful to pit against one another , but others probably say that better .
so will instead turn attention to this idea that no one will love changelings unless look and behave just like ponies , which is problem when biologically need to feed off of love . have ability to shapeshift , but this is seen as cheat , thievery , and deception , which means methods to get there must be underhand - first characterise as evil just for biological needs , then force changelings to prove this perception right out of starvation and desperation . therefore , " reward " for selfless changelings who share love freely ... is to look and behave just like ponies . not for ponies to look at these weird buggy guys and extend hoof first , no ! changelings must change for ponies , in every scenario here - difference is just whether or not ponies consider to be evil .
also , visually think some of these guys suck . like understand in cartoon for kids will need named characters to be recognisable and merchandisable , but like , kind of ick ? especially colour palettes . absolutely can still make designs more in line with originals that look fun and unique , but guess not cute enough for toys or whatever , even if let changelings be different colours than just black . would much prefer if these new designs would be intentional disguises - something that changelings feel still need to take on in order to gain pony acceptance , but ultimately take toll on feelings because acceptance is conditional . ponies would come to realise how much this actually hurt and make efforts to get over discomfort .
that is version of changelings which kossai connect with . do like that thorax is able to form bonds and feed in moderation because of bonds , but think weird to be some first of kind visionary - changeling inability to form bonds should not be because of biology and apparent hivemind structure , but because ponies make assumptions because of these things . would also much prefer if metamorphosis was not this innate biological reward - changelings should get to look like changelings , and act like changelings , without ponies determine which is good and which is evil , which is ugly and which is pretty .
gee , wonder why faeries would think that . :P
forum troubles
Jun. 7th, 2025 10:35 pmkossairecently join physical nonhuman specific forum , glad to have something like this . on tumblr there continue to be incorrect definitions and cruel pushback against physical nonhumans , specifically from other folks who make claim to this label , under claims that experience is non-literal and " not like those crazy people " . appeal to sanists is game which will never win , and sorely wish more folks would learn that .
of course , barrier of entry to forum is not exactly huge , not like some older plural or alterhuman forums that require application or anything . but with that barrier of entry , as well as general forum format ... so far , seem like no nonsense happen here .
... but also , not too much legitimate activity either this last little while . kossai not even post very much overall , but make up about half of posts from last 10 days . do not want to over-post and " hog " forum , but if there is nothing for anyone to comment on ... then ... well no one will comment . and if there is no one who comment on anything , then some folks might feel there is no point to post , and then forum will actually die out when still so new .
possibly not help that this forum have like button for posts , which is easy way to acknowledge without need to comment , and leave what could be very neat conversations dead in water . however unsure if host service make this feature mandatory , so will not blame admin so much as shake fist at this like button internet culture .
one of those uphill battles ... hopefully some folks hop back on again soon .
of course , barrier of entry to forum is not exactly huge , not like some older plural or alterhuman forums that require application or anything . but with that barrier of entry , as well as general forum format ... so far , seem like no nonsense happen here .
... but also , not too much legitimate activity either this last little while . kossai not even post very much overall , but make up about half of posts from last 10 days . do not want to over-post and " hog " forum , but if there is nothing for anyone to comment on ... then ... well no one will comment . and if there is no one who comment on anything , then some folks might feel there is no point to post , and then forum will actually die out when still so new .
possibly not help that this forum have like button for posts , which is easy way to acknowledge without need to comment , and leave what could be very neat conversations dead in water . however unsure if host service make this feature mandatory , so will not blame admin so much as shake fist at this like button internet culture .
one of those uphill battles ... hopefully some folks hop back on again soon .
