make and make and make

Aug. 20th, 2025 06:31 am
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
really on this journal game kick now and just ... keep on come up with ideas . not everything get full creation so far , but barrier is comparatively lower than even twine games , so with enough time and energy can actually get through some of these fairly quick .

have kind of funny mix feelings on this , almost ? want to make lots of things , as many of these ideas as possible , because love these ideas and can not find others quite same . but do not want to feel like overproduce and burn out , or to rush things because done now even if not necessarily best state . but also like , shit , really not able to slow down brain like this - brain is on roll , until not .

but genuinely have so many things up for people to look at now that literally run out of colours for analytics graphs and some games have to share colours - and that would be fair with catalogue of years , but this is after like . 1 week . fully aware this pace is silly and unsustainable ! but brain just say , yay fun to make ! and is not otherwise concern .

do not really care to sustain any sort of quota regardless - will upload when upload and not upload when not - but just feel kind of weird about this . happy to make things , happy to get things up , and do not want to spend endless time on pick those things for perfection . guess just also do not want to go other way and make things that turn out terrible . that balance , though ... brain is not good at that .

pet peeve

Aug. 19th, 2025 10:40 am
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
people assume dyslexia support means " dyslexic friendly " font and nothing else . not even useful for everyone , and dark mode can be especially dyslexia unfriendly . also astigmatism .

fucking hate those fonts , for kossai uneven weight make much harder to read in most cases .

fae gender

Aug. 18th, 2025 01:45 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
after think , and think , and think some more , and really struggle ... decide that best format for faerie gender game idea would actually be 36 word lyric game .
so , fae gender ! use small selection of words to describe gender ... of course , maybe choose to use rules as part of word table too , classic fae loophole after all ;D

look toward forest - beast dance beneath moon , wild blossom sleep within ...
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai

crosspost from tumblr . most of this kind of feel like rehash of posts already here , but never really say much on tumblr as of yet , and would like to save .


something in particular that want to just shoot into void here , about original post which kick off that poll ... kind of hope this will sound like weird iceberg to most folks , actually .

think pretty shallow to say , even if happen to be reincarnate fictionfolk who fully hold faith in multiverse , that everyone who work on any given piece of media is definitely reincarnate from that media . multiverse is full of infinite possibilities , by nature . but pieces of media that people present do not inherently reflect every possibility , nor every truth , of worlds within .

this can be for many reasons . to tell stories and make art is part of nature as people , but there is also set of skills to build up to make these satisfactory for audiences . media can be inaccurate to these places due to simply lack of skill in expression .

pieces of media can tell stories of other worlds , but simultaneously hold allegorical purpose for this world here and now . rusted moss tell story in which faeries and humans lock in eternal struggle , each with biases against each other and treat each other horribly . rusted moss is also game that ask what if faerie girl get some big old guns and swing around on grapples , because that make for unique game design . and , rusted moss is also allegory about societal treatment of autism , because that is experience of writers and many others in this world . all of these coexist without invalidation of each other .

other pieces of media start with what might be accurate or semi-accurate view , but other biases of world here and now colour and change these aspects into cruelty and stereotypes . bosmer exist within forests of valenwood . bosmer oathbound to god , y'ffre , to protect plant life - to never harvest , nor cut , nor burn , for any reason at all . bosmer must instead hunt animals . oh , and cannibalise enemies . y'ffre will dispose of anyone who violate these terms , even if done accidentally , or to save lives . how much of that is accurate to multiversal worlds of TES ? that is something for individuals to figure out personally - but here and now , presentation very much distill some of cruelest indigenous stereotypes , and that can not go without at least barest acknowledgment .

similarly , corporate interests - or even just constraints of target audience - can meddle and change media to be functionally unrecognisable from mirrors in multiverse . if australia's 2005 preschool series the fairies was reflection of somewhere out in multiverse , would harmony and rhapsody really break into song everyday over mundane events , or could one reasonably assume that even in-universe this is just show which characters put on ?

simply in nature of people to tell stories . whether those stories reflect parts of multiverse or not is personal interpretation - but even then , that is not to say that every storyteller must be reincarnate . people have many reasons that might end up with these connections and speak of reflections , and think that actually more often tie into life here and now than past ones - whether that is desire to create allegory , to build something that feel strange and exotic ( awful stereotypes and all ) , to tell stories for specific audiences , or just to sit down and have some fun .

bwaah

Aug. 16th, 2025 05:22 pm
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
[personal profile] kossai
want to make something that play around with sex and gender , but like ... not really sure of what or how . just have feelings that want to be let out .

on bullshittery

Aug. 16th, 2025 03:41 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
crosspost from tumblr , after yet again come across small trove of TERFs to block and have to see some seriously fucking heinous sentiments .

OK , honestly , what really and truly baffle about bigots - particularly transphobes , intersexists , and TERFs in this case - is that put on thin veneer of care about protection for people , try to make points strong and clear , talk about visions for world ... and while definitively look at wrong targets in these cases , try to ascribe perfect boxes and binaries that just do not work in real world , can understand core of those desires - to create world in which these problems will not be problems . 

... and then 3 posts down see some of most heinous and violent shit about not only groups which hate , but other " in-group " members who disagree . TERFs who actively wish horrible circumstances on trans people as well as cis allies , who speak of pure and utter violence against even each other for disagreements , who truly believe superior , more intelligent , physically incapable of wrong and hurt others . 

some amount of violence is necessary for progress under current conditions , but have to know where to attack - not allies , not people who consider to be brainwashed victims , not random strangers who tick off wrong boxes . actual structures of power . to place focus of activism on personal superiority to everyone else is how people get stuck in cults .

kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai

crosspost from tumblr . in answer to arguments that somehow still go around , which assert that people with this disability or that trait not actually more aggressive than peers ... and that anyone who is , is actually just fake . destroy stereotypes and stigma , yes , but do not throw real people under bus to do so ! 


straight answer : no .

unfortunate answer : sometimes , yes , this is necessary .

some people refuse as is to listen to spoken word boundaries , believe boundary is something to push past and ignore . this is even more true if boundaries not given through spoken word , but instead things like door hangers , gestures or local sign language , and yes , even AAC devices that read written words out loud .

top that off with fact that nonverbal people may also have traits like sensory sensitivity , differences in executive function and ability to switch tasks , differences in emotional regulation , and other traits which society misunderstand or otherwise do not recognise in wider world , and these boundaries can seem almost frivolous to others .

this means not only refuse to listen because non-spoken , but refuse to listen because believe unimportant . this often means that upon disrespect , there is no other way to defend these boundaries without aggression - whether through noise like growl and scream , or physical action like slam doors and shove .

unfortunately , authority figures very quick to characterise this as nonsensical behavioural issue , something that just need to beat away . but have to face truth here : if someone already decide to disrespect boundaries , no amount of polite AAC usage will get that person to stop - but kick and scream might .

yes , sometimes people with particular disabilities and traits will be more aggressive than those without - not because that is necessarily inherent , but because that is only way to protect self . can not discuss aggression as only media stereotype , assert that every actual person is sweet angel cake at all times , and then cast out anyone who do happen to be aggressive as some kind of fake . that attitude honestly speak to lack of awareness and insight that other people might have different problems .

another game

Aug. 13th, 2025 11:10 pm
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
[personal profile] kossai
this one just whip together in several hours for some silly random bullshit because will absolutely need silly random bullshit to get through tomorrow .
fey M.D. ! doodle human , give " medical treatments " , doodle adverse effects on that human , rinse and repeat .

really do not want to deal with tomorrow ...

thoughts

Aug. 12th, 2025 12:52 pm
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
[personal profile] kossai
not really in position to want to accept donations or payments for anything on itch , but think about what to do if someone did want to anyway . would " gift something from wishlist " be too gauche ? still use money to support someone , while also give kossai something fun to play with :P

then again , not sure how itch gifts work , or if able to send gifts by username . if only able to gift by email , eh ... use alias email anyway , but still , rather not just put that directly on public profile for everyone to see !

OK , really impatient .

Aug. 12th, 2025 10:53 am
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
[personal profile] kossai
patience is not virtue kossai hold very well . there is no external factor which force kossai to hold off , therefore , want to post games right away ! especially because have to sit on art for tes blog event , waaaah .

glad to get at least one night of sleep on this , though - there was some stuff to tweak !
manor of glamour is now also up . sorry :P

release ~ faerie thorns, faerie roses

Aug. 10th, 2025 11:54 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
honestly nervous about this since start , but sometimes have to realise that to put off scary thing just make scarier . this is one of those times - can not tinker forever , or this will never come out because simply feel more and more inadequate . no reason to say kossai can not make changes or additions later anyway , but even then maybe better to just accept rough edges - first time ever try something like this , after all .

come look at faerie thorns, faerie roses , journal game about faerie in love with human :)

play troubles

Aug. 10th, 2025 05:18 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
have lots of games that want to play , but can narrow down 2 that really want . unfortunately both come with struggles .

a faerie court visitation : prompts really beautiful . unfortunately because of how kossai words , can not really think of any way to play with these prompts . sort of consider maybe do little collage scenes ? but that is also extra physical pain and effort .

fey court chaos : really want to fuck around and find out . this one is multiplayer design though , need to pre-make things in order to have playable game , and for some reason really have trouble with that .

ugh . what to do ...

oops

Aug. 9th, 2025 08:13 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
need to play some more games to fill out this collection on itch , but not really sure where to start because have so many to try - and more still that do not actually own yet , but would like to . some of these multiplayer tabletop games that need special adaptations for solo play , which really want to include for plural sake - want to figure out , can one brain decently keep track of everything , and what things might need to change to make that work .

some of these also larger campaign settings , or supplements for other settings , so should really try and organise ...

oops

Aug. 9th, 2025 04:34 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
to battle anxiety over game , kossai now design some premade characters . want to demonstrate how various traits can play off of each other to make fun dynamics , whether or not players actually choose to use any of these characters .

... OK , so sure , some of these might literally be kossai playtest characters . shhh .

is plurality alterhuman ?

Aug. 9th, 2025 12:45 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
crosspost from tumblr - original post link . did initially want to just keep these thoughts to dreamwidth access list , but feel like this may balloon into something worse . not sure if this will help , but might as well try , especially if folks who do not know history really want to spout off .

notice there is now some discussion of whether or not plurality is or should be inherently alterhuman , with argument that this dehumanise . but think there is some really important context that need to consider , especially if make these arguments as singlet ( literally stop that ) or strictly dissociative plural .

alterhumanity do not mean experience is literally and inherently nonhuman - this is misconception that lead to exclusion of certain experiences and discussions , for one thing . but beyond that , alterhumanity is also about relationship to societal standards of typical ( earthly , mundane ) humanity . 

think about how many people and cultures over time have stories about things like demonic possession , spirit channelers , even mimics and body double replacements . whether or not regard these stories to be true , and some of these might even be positive , these people still break norm . one human body should have one inhabitant - to have more is either to be exceptional , or meet with terrible circumstance . in any case , out of ordinary , noteworthy .

and truthfully , these stories and standards did not end centuries ago . how often do these things come up in media , where characters live plural lives through these circumstances , yet never really call plurality ? how often do these things need some sort of fix , trick , exorcism , banishment ?

this is egregious enough that even when real life people explicitly have diagnosis of DID or OSDD and fit near perfectly into psychiatric framework , some people consider that to be literal demonic or spirit possession in modern times , speak as if uncontrollable monster , believe correct kind of faith will " fix " . even in recent history , some psychiatrists treat plural patients in ways not very far off from exorcists .

hard to argue that singlet identity is not current societal standard of humanity , and that many people - both historically and currently - consider deviation to be inherently inhuman . people just do not always say in those exact words . 

beyond that , some plural experiences actually do follow explanations of spirituality , religion , and non-earthly worlds . this is main perspective that terms like gateway come from : there is earthly world here , other non-earthly worlds out there , and this body act as vehicle for inhabitants of such worlds to explore earth . even human inhabitants may have perspectives and experiences that do not line up with societal standards of humanity here , in at least some part because plurality inherently break those standards . 

would love to see world in future where there is no standard of which humans really human after all , but in meantime , standards do still exist . so , alterhuman is open to all who feel experiences do not line up with societal standards of what typical human can or can not be - and by design , this can include plurals , especially of gateway and spiritual experiences . 

to round off , would suggest to read this post by x-rds ( coiners of alterhuman ) about this very same discussion . everyone have right to choose whether consider personal plurality as alterhuman , however , important to understand why some might want to in first place .

worries and woes

Aug. 9th, 2025 01:27 am
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
start to get really nervous that this game is not really any good after all , and try to figure out why think that ... and honestly , think main hitch is just prompt style .

different journal games have different prompt styles . some games take very short prompts which intend for player to combine by random shuffles - pull 4 cards to meet up with 2 characters , in this 1 place , while this 1 strange event occur . some games write prompts to evoke poetic scenery , intend for player to generally follow path - different players will have different branches , but game do not try to throw twists or interruptions . others still write simple prompts , and follow those up with questions for player to work through that may indeed throw twists .

kossai use this last style . as example :
faerie take human out to market, to shop for crafts and trinkets - though many objects unfamiliar to human.
did any strange objects grab attention? if so, which ones and why?
did faerie provide enough guidance to avoid accidents, magical and mundane alike?
 

but feel like this seem to be less common style of prompts . maybe just look in wrong games or something ? tending write prompts like these , though , and absolutely love tending . not play singö yet , but that is another one with similar prompt style .

still not sure if every individual prompt is good enough , but might just need to rip bandaid and publish sooner rather than later . there is one in particular that think might be kind of weak as is , but apart from that , really do not want to get all perfectionist .

aughhh

Aug. 7th, 2025 09:05 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
need to have self control . want to publish this journal game document absolutely right now , but really should run through at least one more basic playtest , and try to get some feedback on prompts to make sure other people do not think any of these terrible .

but like , playtest and patience is not fun ! waaah .

dream journal ~ journal games

Aug. 7th, 2025 11:36 am
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
problem with work on journal game design is that currently have dreams about snippets of journal games that do not exist , and more than that , not actually good or substantial enough ideas to work into anything .

but sort of curious now if any dream journal-based journal games exist , whether framework to play with real dream journal , or just create some weird dreams and then analyse . :P
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